


In My Youth -(leadup for trans Ethan)

by ADHDdumbass



Series: Ethan Nestor is traaans! [2]
Category: CrankGameplays - Fandom, Unus Annus - Fandom, Youtube RPF, ethan nestor - Fandom, markiplier - Fandom, youtube - Fandom
Genre: AU, Agender, Agender Character, Alternate Universe, Coming Out, Demiboy, Enby!EthanNestor, Ethan Nestor Gymnastics, FTM, FTM Ethan Nestor, FTM!Ethan, FTM!EthanNestor, Genderbending, Genderqueer, Genderqueer Ethan Nestor, Gymnast!Ethan, Gymnastics, Nonbinary, Nonbinary Ethan Nestor, Questioning, Trans, Trans AU, Trans Character, Trans Crankgameplays, Trans Ethan Nestor, Trans Male Character, Trans Male Ethan Nestor, Trans!Ethan, Transgender, Transgender!EthanNestor, Transmasc Ethan Nestor, Transmasc enby, Transmasculine, Transmasculine Nonbinary, YouTube, Youtuber - Freeform, enby, enby Ethan Nestor, minor Transphobia, nblw kiss, nonbinary man, trans Ethan, trans!EthanNestor, transgender character, transgender!ethan, transmasc character, transmasculine Ethan Nestor, wlw kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:27:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27308443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ADHDdumbass/pseuds/ADHDdumbass
Summary: Ethan is a demiboy, transmasc. How did he come to this understanding? What was his youth like as a trans kid? He is currently known as Elissa, a young gymnast who is going through an identity crisis. Will they transition? Are they a lesbian? Maybe Nonbinary? How about starting a youtube channel when you're trans? will people find out?
Relationships: Ethan & Andrew, Ethan Nestor & Andrew Nestor, Ethan Nestor & Dad, Ethan Nestor & Mark Nestor
Series: Ethan Nestor is traaans! [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1965334
Comments: 7
Kudos: 23





	1. Who am I?

Elissa was obsessed with gymnastics since she was young. She had been learning guitar for a little while, but she decided in bed one night that she would give it up if she could do gymnastics instead. On the early 2000s computer she would look up olympics & just watch the gymnasts perform. She wanted to be them. The morning after Elissa made the decision, she approached her parents, saying “mom, dad, I want to do gymnastics. I'm willing to give up guitar, just please let me do gymnastics! I see lots of the other girls at school in dance & gymnastics & cheerleading & some are even in tae kwon do, so please let me do gymnastics?” She was 8.  


“Bubba, your mother and I will need to discuss it, so why don't you head out to the bus stop? You don't want to be late for school,” her father said, kindly. Elissa went out as usual, she didn't want to think about possibly getting declined her dreams, so she pushed it out of her mind. When she got home?  


“Get in the car honey I'm taking you to your first lesson,” said Mom, donning her coat & taking her keys, “We're enrolling you in gymnastics.”  


Four years later, Elissa was a star child gymnast, her band consisted of only four girls: Jamie on bar, Chrystal on beam, Samantha (or Maggie for short) on vault, & Elissa on floor. She lived for gymnastics & loved the gang. She was 12.  


It was around this time she started noticing changes in her body. Puberty. Her emotions started getting all out of wack, she started getting crushes more often, she started to hate her body. Becoming a teenager sucks, Elissa thought to herself. Her friends would all talk about ThE BoYs in their class, “Oh Tyler is sooo cute,” Maggie would say, but when Elissa looked at Tyler, all she saw was sweat & acne… Now Chrystal on the other hand… Chris was beautiful… She was so muscular, you could see her definition, & when she flexed Elissa could even see her abs… Chris was so cool, using a masculine nickname, being able to balance & tumble on the beam without falling, when she wasn’t wearing her gymnastics/workout clothes she wore oversized ratty jeans & button up blouses tucked in… she wore a crystal necklace, just like her namesake, & doodled on her arms… Chris was just… so damn pretty… That’s what girls did, right? They compliment each other? This was how girls felt about other girls? Or maybe… Could she have a crush on girls? Was this what it was to be Gay?  


“Hey gang? Uh I think I’m, uh, I think I’m gay, or something… I don’t know… something like th- uh something like that…” Elissa said to her friends in the changing room one day.  


“Ew, turn around then, or go change in the stall, no offense, I just don’t want you looking at me,” one of them said, “I don’t have any problem with gay people Elissa, just I don’t feel comfortable with one in the changing room, you know?”  


Elissa turned around, saying, “okay,” & put on her uniform. It wasn’t that her friends were hom-o-phobic, they just didn’t like Elissa being gay, right? Right. It wasn’t until two weeks later, when Chris came out that the gang addressed it.  


They sat in a circle after their session & talked. Chris explained what she knew about queer identities, they even offahndedly mentioned “tranzgendar” but it wasn’t mentioned more than once. They mentioned Tumblr, where Chris had learned most of this information. Chris said she had never kissed a girl yet, but then again only Jamie had kissed a boy, & that wasn’t even, well, real to her. The gang sat for a long time, long enough that Maggie’s mom called her flip phone. That shook them out of their changeroom chat which left them all with some food for thought.  


Elissa thought about her sexuality at home that night as she lay in bed. That brought her mind to puberty, & gender. Nothing made sense.  


Elissa avoided thinking about her identity until the next competition- it was a small event, but the gang was pumped. Elissa flipped & tumbled, doing her best against the opposing tumbler. She spun, making her stomach clench to prevent it from twisting & making her sick, she sweat & began to fear that she wouldn’t win. Her opponent was faster… so much faster. Elissa’s anxiety was causing her to sweat even more, she was so unsure if she could win, but when she went to chalk up, she inhaled the familiar smell, remembered her hard work, & focussed on her skills. She was going to win. Elissa blocked out the people around her, felt the mat to ground herself, & performed. Elissa won by half a point. For beam, Chris won by three. The two cut viewing to wash up & change into casual clothes, Elissa was shaking. Chris spoke to her while drying her wet hair from showering, “Relax, ‘Sa, you did good out there. To be completely honest, I’m jealous. You just, like, got into the zone. I’m the opposite- I was confident that I would win until I was actually on the beam, then I was freaking out. & afterwards, I knew I would win so I was calm again!” She laughed, which unbound Elissa’s worry.  


“I’m actually so proud of myself,” Elissa softly said, “Gymnastics is so fun, I don’t know why I was so scared.” They laughed together for a while, sitting in the changeroom even after they had both cleaned up. Chris was so caring, & confident, & so strong, & she had that old stained & faded band shirt on, her hair was short & a little bit wavy, especially since it was still slightly damp, & she smelled clean because she just showered, but her clothes smelled like chalk, & her eyes were so pretty, she never wore makeup, &-  


Suddenly they were kissing. Elissa had only just come down from the high of the competition, & now she was flying again. It only lasted a few seconds, & it was a little middle-school kiss, but it was her first kiss. She stopped, but didn’t bring her face back, Chris looked into Elissa’s eyes for a few moments, then changed slightly, “Elissa, you seem different than other girls. I’ve only kissed a few, but you like, have a different vibe or something. It’s not bad, it just feels… different,” Elissa knew exactly what Chris meant. Just then, Maggie & Jamie came in. They bubbled out how they did: Maggie tied with the other vaultist, buut Jamie lost by two points. Their team still one, & Jamie wasn’t too upset by it. The gang went out to get ice cream, as is tradition after a competition, but Elissa couldn’t stop thinking about herself- not in a narcissistic way, but what Chrystal said about her not feeling like other girls.  


Elissa logs on to her dad’s computer & finds tumblr, Chris had mentioned it. She looks up tests & scrolls through blogs, afraid that their parents would find them, but they were able to keep looking through the information they needed. She found a comprehensive masterpost of the main identities, & they read through each of them. They read the terms Transgender, MTF, FTM, Nonbinary/Genderqueer… she felt like the OP was talking about her… Maybe they weren’t a girl after all… They didn’t know what exactly, but they knew they were trans. Nestor took test after test before finally clearing their search history & going to bed. They didn’t want their parents finding out.  


Nestor made a tumblr account & sent asks to some of the blogs they found, many of them suggested they try presenting differently at school & maybe using different pronouns around their friends, so they prepared themself to socially transition. Nestor called the changeroom to attention as soon as the entire team was there, they were anxious, but sure that this was the right step. “Guys, I’m trans.”  


Only Chrystal understood. Maggie & Jamie weren’t trying to be transphobic, Chris consoled, they just didn’t understand it. Nestor cried that night, they weren’t even sure why. He started wearing more masculine clothes, wearing dark shirts to conceal their chest, & tried wearing tight sports bras instead of none, or training bras. They changed their name, Elissa was definitely a girl’s name, & he really didn’t like it. What name should they use? They weren’t sure. They decided to ask their parents what they would have named him if he had been born a boy. Ethan, their parents said. They were almost 13. Ethan seemed to suit them, it was of hebrew origin, & they really liked the softness of it, despite it meaning firm, strong, & enduring. He started using this name at school, & using mixed pronouns, but of course, most of the students were confused, rude, & downright mean. Even on tumblr he was told he wasn’t “trans enough” sometimes- why would an enby be comfortable doing gymnastics- it’s a girl thing!  


Ethan struggled, they would feel invalidated, they would have horrible thoughts, but one day they would understand themself & have a group that accepts him… one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I really don't like this, it more is a summary of what happens when Ethan is a kid as opposed to a well detailed story about his life. The rest of the chapters should be better I think.


	2. Boys: lol my pp hard. Girls: Life is Pain. Trans ppl: ExCuSe mE wHaT tHE FuCcK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan can't become a woman, they just can't!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter to tide you over while I write the next chapter. Sorry it's so short I just wanted to get it out there to keep your interest. I'm on winter break rn so I'll try to write 500 words per day so I can have a chapter out every second day. (But I might limit it to two/week so that I can space them out once I get back to school)

As Ethan presents masculine in a way that is comfortable for them, they start to realize that the boys & girls are starting to branch off more: girls are starting their journeys to become women, & boys are starting their journeys to become men. Of course, they’re still kids, eating pure powdered gatorade proves that fact.  
How do I stop myself from turning into a girl they thought to themself, & as any kid would do, he checked the internet. Testosterone, Oestrogen, Puberty Blockers, HRT, Birth Control, Disorders/Differences in Sexual Development, Androgen Insensitivity Disorder, etc. All these terms, so different, what the heck was endocrinology? How do you even pronounce it? 

Ethan’s head swam with confusion & desire, they cleared their history & left the computer to go to the kitchen. Their mom was there, & Ethan thought about puberty blockers. Their mom would never give them permission, & even if she would, Ethan wasn’t nearly ready to come out to her. He got a snack from the cupboard & munched thoughtfully. Blockers. That word was one he definitely liked. Stopping puberty so they could remain a genderless little kid. All Ethan had to do was stop their oestrogen production, they didn’t produce enough testosterone to go through male puberty so they were safe there. If closeted trans women bought over-the-counter estrogen containing birth control, & closeted trans men took hormone free/hormone blocking birth control to stop ovulation… couldn’t Ethan, a genderqueer kid as well? It wouldn’t put him through male puberty, it would just stop his female puberty, right? ((a/n, almost all birth control contains estrogen or progestin to keep hormone levels balanced so that there is no spike in estrogen that triggers ovulation, & the hormone free ones won’t stop puberty as far as I know, & it isn’t the right kind/dosage for trans women. Trust me, I’m trans, I’ve looked into this. I’m just stretching possibilities for the story.)) 

So Ethan came to a conclusion. They were going to try birth control. They could get away without a prescription, they just needed to find the right kind & the money for it. They got an allowance from their parents depending on the chores they did, & surely they could find some other way of getting the fund, bottles maybe? Ethan had given up guitar so they couldn’t go busking, & they were so young anyways, only 12 years old. If they started a youtube channel, they would get money from ad revenue, but they didn’t have banking set up yet & you can’t get revenue until you have over a thousand subscribers. I’ll start saving up & see what I can afford.  
Each week Ethan got an allowance & put it into a little envelope. Surely they had enough money to buy a supply of birth control, right? And so he volunteered to go shopping with Dad, Andrew, Ethan's older brother, would unpack the groceries after. Ethan just had to find some birth control and see the price, so he told Dad that they needed more toothpaste & ran off to the pharmacy section. Before Dad could catch up, Ethan scoured the aisles to find birth control, oh where was it? The pharmacy aisles were perpendicular to the rest of the aisles in the grocery store so Dad wouldn't see Ethan running around until he turned the corner. Crap crap crap Ethan was running out of time and still hadn't found birth control. Wait, the signs! They had the contents of the aisle posted above it! Shampoo and conditioner, hair dye, hair products, shower gel, loofahs. Toothpaste, toothbrushes, mouthwash, canker sore products, grind guards. Supplements & vitamins. Menstrual hygiene products, sexual hygiene products, &... birth control. Ethan power-walked into the aisle. Pads & tampons were on the right, but immediately on the left was birth control. Finally. But there were so many different brands! Ethan struggled to read all of the labels, especially with anxiety building up. Which ones were hormone free? Where did it say? Oh gosh crap help me dang it Ethan thought, picking up a box. 

“Elissa?” Dad was calling Ethan. “Did you find the toothpaste?”  
Ethan looked over all of the price tags below the birth control. They were all about the same price: expensive, but Ethan could afford it if they were careful with their money. “I think it’s around here somewhere,” they said, swiftly exiting the aisle & backing up to look at the contents list above the aisles. Mark came into view & immediately pointed to the oral hygiene aisle, “C’mon ‘Sa,” he said, motioning Ethan to the toothpaste. Ethan was off free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't get the thoughts to italicise so I'm sorry about that. I was planning on making this chapter a lot longer, but I wanted to pump out the next chapter to keep you entertained, so here's a short one. Comments are AO3's love language! If you want to write a chapter, I have the plan fully fleshed out so you don't need to do the work, you just get to do the writing, so contact me if you want that.
> 
> Also Mark is Ethan's Dad's name.


	3. Hormones & Binders

The drugstore lights glowed faintly in the midlit evening. The streetlamps weren’t on yet, but it was still getting dark. Ethan crossed the corner in their hoodie, anxiety increasing slightly. He still looked like a 12 year old girl, would they sell to a 12y/o? Ethan didn’t know, but they would soon find out. They opened the heavy glass door, & checked the signs to find where they might sell birth control. Once in the aisle, they let out a breath they didn’t know they were holding. Ok. Now all they needed was to find one that blocks hormones. One, two, three, which one next? Ethan’s dyslexia was getting in the way. Four, five six, this entire row contained hormones! They moved down one: Saefix™, ((a/n, I made this up)) a hormone free birth control pill that Ethan could afford. With shaky hands, Ethan took the box to the register. The young man running the till smiled when Ethan approached. 

“Is that all, miss?” he asked, politely.

Ethan took a short, but steadying, breath, “yeah,”

Then the man scanned the item, “Do you need a bag? Cash or card?” 

“No bag, thank you, I’m paying with cash.” Ethan replied quietly. 

“Your total is $32.50,” He continued. Ethan payed, the cashier gave them their change & the box, “have a nice evening, miss.”

Ethan shoved the box into their pocket, & mumbled, “you too,”

They did it. They had a one month supply of birth control. At home, Ethan read over the instructions & cautions. You may experience pain & mood differently, you may experience nausea, cramps, mild headaches, slight increase in sweating, menstrual spotting, hot flashes, sore/swollen or reduced growth of breasts. If you are allergic to any of the ingredients, or are pregnant, do not take. If you experience shortness of breath, fever, persistent headache, diarrhea, &/or heart palpitations, stop taking immediately & talk to your doctor. Not recommended for children due to stunted puberty. If you are under the age of 26, talk with your doctor before taking. If you are under the age of 16, do not take unless under the recommendation & supervision of a physician. Well Ethan was breaking that rule, he was not even 13. But considering the side effects on children being “stunted puberty,” he was going to use it anyways. Now… to make back the cash to afford next month’s supply…

-

Ethan had been taking his “blockers” for several months at this point, he noticed that the rest of the girls in his class were still growing, & growing on top, if you know what that means. They moved on from training bras to real ones, but Ethan was still in their pre-A. He definitely felt different. His mood was slightly more extreme, & people noticed, but they felt flat to him. He needed them to be more extreme to make up for the fact that they felt like they were behind glass. After the first three weeks Ethan could feel their emotions almost normally again, but they did not entirely regulate to how they used to be. Ethan noticed they felt drier & less oily, as well as drier down there. Considering all of this… The plan was working. The kid really was preventing their puberty from completing. 

Ethan looked just about as androgynous as children get, espescially after getting a hair-cut under the guise of short hair being better for flipping. Exactly what their trans booty wanted. The young gymnast had heard horror stories of ftm athletes breaking ribs or getting rub-burn from binding, & being that Ethan had asthma, it wasn’t the best idea to wear a binder. So the simplest solution was to wear a sports bra or two, right? Well… before practice, Ethan changed into both of their bras, & looked in the mirror to see how flat they had become. Well, the fabric layered up quite a bit & only one of the bras was actually sports-bra binding grade… so… Yeah Ethan definitely looked flatter, but with the tight-fitting outfit for gymnastics… yeah no. Ethan sighed & went to put their street clothes in their locker, trying to push away the disappointment they felt. For the entirety of warm-ups, Ethan was distracted, thinking about their chest, the failure of his bra method, & his dysphoria. As soon as Ethan started actual practice though, they started to forget about how upset they were. That is, until they took a fall. On a normal day it wouldn’t have hurt, on a bad asthma day they might have needed to catch their breath, but today? Ethan was wearing two bras that mildly constricted their breathing, & the asthma sure was not gone. When Ethan hit the floor, the constriction on his chest in tandem with the weight of his own body caused the wind to be knocked out of him. Ethan couldn’t breath in to replace what was lost, & they lay there, writhing slowly onto their side in an attempt to stop the pain & regain their breath. It didn’t take more than a few seconds, but Coach had to come around to check if he was alright. That was the end of double bras.

The next practice, Ethan wore a few thick strands of tape with a piece of vaselined toilet paper over his nipple. They had practiced putting it on & worn it around the house after searching up binding alternatives on the internet. The tape didn’t wrap entirely around their chest, thus it didn’t constrict their breathing either. It wasn’t too hard to put on & take off, & Ethan found it was perfect for gymnastics! Trial & error seemed to be Ethan’s saving grace. That & the internet of course!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking of affirming my original idea for this fic having three parts as three chapters, but I'm writing this in smaller parts to keep you entertained. Should I combine the chapters once I'm done the fic? Having eight chapters is daunting, & considering that this fic was originally planned to have three chapters, it might help people (like me, adhd) to feel more confident in reading this. Or maybe should I combine them now? I'll probably combine the chapters once I'm done the fic then! (Also, I know this chapter is only 900 words, but the last chapter was only 700, so fight me. It's hard to write when you have add)


	4. hlep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ethan finds out his gender, does gymnastics, finds out his attraction, & gets called a fag. It's mentioned once, near the end, but that entire paragraph is kind of misandristic & homophobic, so be careful.

With all of his friends starting puberty, Ethan started to think more about his transition. He was thirteen now, & they had to think about their future, a 12 year old boy would just look like a girl, though, Ethan looked like a 12 year old girl… Giving thought to their gender was not something Ethan had anticipated for a little while, they found they were trans, & never came back to it. When he started to think about the future, they thought of themself transitioning, he thought that he would end up on testosterone, maybe only for a little while, getting top surgery, & maybe- well actually no. Ethan didn’t particularly mind his bottom. He would be more comfortable with male parts, he supposed, but he was also glad to have female parts sometimes. Like when he had his… Teenaged Times. It was easier to hide- he didn’t have to use two layers of underwear, like some of the cis boys his age. Thinking hard about what he wanted out of his future, he realized… He was a demi-boy. A nonbinary man maybe.   
He started presenting as male at school, & asked Coach if he could participate in men’s gymnastics. He explained to Coach his predicament, anxiety gripping his organs as he came out to Coach. Surprisingly enough, Coach’s first “girlfriend” ended up being trans, he came out years after they dated, didn’t even know he was trans when they were together. They didn’t really keep in touch, but Coach saw him at school district events, he was a custodian for one of the other schools. Apparently, he skipped town for a couple years, & when he came back under a new name, almost nobody recognized him. Now, Ethan was needed for Floor on the girl’s team, but he could also perform vault on the men’s team. The events he participated in were both performed by male & female gymnasts, but Coach did tell him that he could practice men’s gymnastics in the gym, even though he couldn’t compete on them. That’s how Ethan learned that Pommel Horse was to be respected, & shins were to be cared for.

Next time a competition came around, Ethan competed on two events. Ethan didn’t use the changerooms, he just showed up all dressed. He would shower once he got home. This was their first time competing on the men’s team as well as the women’s. Ethan took a shaky breath. There were two other schools here, & several sports teams. At least Ethan got gendered as male more often than not. He waited in the gymnasium for the gymnastics competition. It was divided in two, & currently there were lacrosse players, & wrestlers competing. Before this, there had been an improv performance, which Ethan enjoyed thoroughly. They got the gym to themselves to kick off the night. There was also a football game going on outside, which was absolutely boring. Their mind wandered and closed, twisting, & retrieving, emptying to nothingness, & buzzing furiously. Performance anxiety. Which was surprising, until considered that this was the first competition where Ethan could act in their gender.   
Suddenly a hand was on his shoulder, it was Coach. The teams were off the floor- when did that happen? Basketball was already starting on the other side. He followed Coach to where the wrestlers just left. Was told to sit in the plastic chair to the left of Coach. Followed orders. The gang was seated to the right of Coach in their bench, where Ethan used to join them, & the few boys who participated in gymnastics sat on the bench to Coach’s left. Ethan suddenly realized the plastic chair was for Coach, but Coach would rarely be sitting in it, instead spotting for the competitors, & helping them onto the bars. Ethan had been lost in his head again. He barely heard his last name called- & his chosen first name as well! If Chrystal could go by Chris, he could go by Ethan. How exceptional. Ethan stood at the corner of the board, saluted the women’s salute & ran. He flipped, performed skills, & combinations, movements crisply separated, but still flowing together well. It’s not about what you do, it’s about how you do it, he remembered Coach tell them. When he was done his routine, he almost went into the men’s salute, before performing the women’s. Next time he performed- vault, he started & ended with a men’s salute. 

It was after the competition, when the school administrators were counting up points & games to see which school won what. Ethan was proud to have been able to compete as a ~boy, but apparently him & the two boys on their team were not supposed to be doing gymnastics. At least, according to the football team. “Faggots,” they said, “I like girls!” said Ethan, “Pansies, not doing real sports,” they jeered, “It actually requires a lot of upper body strength…” offered one of the gymnasts. They were not harmed, maybe emotionally, maybe a bit of pushing & jostling, but not harmed. Not harmed. But, their words got to Ethan. He thought he was a lesbian when he was just a bit younger, but… He was a man. Well, half a man… Half a boy… Anyway, forget about that- Ethan was thinking! About boys, not his own gender, but of his attraction. Ethan found, while staring at his dresser in bed, that his attraction was like a crescendo. Boys at the very least, his attraction growing the further along the spectrum went, with girls at the very most. Girls were just so pretty. Maybe he is a bit of a fag, & the word made him feel uncomfortable now; but years later, he would almost like it in a way, he’s on fire, & nobody could put him out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! If you are willing, I would love for some help writing this! I have a plan for the second & third works in this fic if you like to write but hate to plan. If you struggle with commitment, but want to help, I would love for you to write the coming-out scene bc it's been a while since I came out. That one is also planned, but if you want, you can rewrite it entirely as long as you check w me. If you're writing a small section (ex: the coming out scene) you can double post it to your own account. I'll give you as much credit as you request, & I will try to fulfill any other requests as thanks. 
> 
> Author's personal reasoning behind that: Ok so I'm adhd & I get hyperfixations. They drive my life & I can't think of much else. Until they change. Because of this I have a bunch of unfinished MCR fics (I lost my account for those, so I couldn't even update if I wanted to), a couple never-posted unfinished Umbrella Academy fics, an unfinished Moomin's fic, I wanted to continue a Gravity Falls fic, but I never picked it up (thank jeebus), & a bunch of plans for Unus Annus (even tho it's dead), & I want to give the plans to someone else so that my work won't go to waste, but also so that ppl like me (who can only either write the plan or write the final) get their work cut in half. My hyperfixation is moving off of unus annus now, & if I lose it, I'll never finish my fics. Adhd is a burden. But... you wanna know what my newest hyperfixation is? You'll hate me, bc it's 2021, but: my dad started watching this show with his girlfriend, & invited my brothers & me to watch with him. My little brother loves murder mysteries! (Sammy Keyes, Murdoch Mysteries, SnowPiercer, Father Brown, Murder on the Orient Express, etc.) So of course my dad wanted us to watch Sherlock with him. Yes you heard that. Sherlock. In the year two-thousand-and-twenty-one Common Era, I am watching Sherlock for the first time. It's crazy bc in 2010, the oldest true genz kids were 6-10, (zillenials up to 16), so Sherlock was fundamentally a Millennial thing. (Millennial in this context is up to 2000, where genz starts, but zillenial encompasses 1994 to 2004, being the overlap where depending on how old your parents/siblings were, you can be considered either). Anyway- fundamentally millennial, with some older genz. So it's weird for me to be under 21 years old just getting into Sherlock now. So I'm sorry for this big ol adhd rant & the fact that half of my works will never get published/finished. If you want to collab, I'd love to swap plans (you write a plan, I write the actual thing, & vice versa)! & if you're a guest who wants to post here, I already have one friend whose fic I posted before orphaning, & they were the one to help me write the unposted moomins fic; by which I'm saying, I could take on another member to the team. Funny how I can write so much when I'm talking & not making any sense, but as soon as I want to write smth long, nothing comes out. Figures. 
> 
> So bye! ILY!


	5. The Start of what we Know

(Three years later)

Ethan had been working on a youtube channel with his best friend, Andrew. They only made gaming videos so far, inspired by the Game Grumps. Ethan, with his affinity for photography, considered doing more, but never had the right idea. Besides, the pair were doing gaming videos! Ethan’s first video though, was never published.   
He made it a long time ago, he recorded it several times actually, to get the right take. It was how he came out to his parents. When Ethan had shown his mother, she didn’t question it at all, after all, her daughter-now-son was presenting so masculine. Her (ex)husband hadn’t reacted the same way. He wasn’t mean at all, or anything… He just thought that Ethan was a tomboy, “You don’t need to be a boy to dress like one,” he told Ethan. Ethan had already prepared a list of information, including the difference between presentation & identity. After that, both his parents understood.   
Ethan wished that as soon as they learned of who he was, they would rush him off to medically transition, & use the proper name & pronouns immediately. In reality? It took them months to use his pronouns, & they only ever used he/him, never any “they”s thrown in. Well, at least now Ethan’s parents were consistent. His youtube fans were as well, but this was mostly because Andrew was there, referring to Ethan correctly, & never knowing Ethan as anything else. Ethan’s doctor on the other hand… His pediatrician had been working with them for years, & couldn’t accept the switch, convinced that Ethan was just confused. The young trans boy asked their parents to switch doctors, but his parents never agreed, saying that their current doctor had served him well for most of his life. Well, no matter what, Ethan was happy, & doing what he loved. A youtube channel. Yeah. Yeah this was good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a quick chapter. I'm not super proud of it, but it's a good conclusion to (this part of?) the story. It ends with a new beginning. Ethan started his yt channel & he's growing into what we now know him as. This is the start of a new era- & therefore the end of an old. It's the perfect place to stop. I will combine these into the original planned three chapters in a few days, or maybe combine them differently. Idk.


End file.
